Husbands and Heartstrings

I have learned a LOT about marriage, and what it takes to have a not so happy one in the last twelve years. I didn’t think I was having a not so happy marriage. I thought my marriage was just fine. I was busy taking care of the children, the house, life at home. Thinking everything was going well. Now as I reflect on it, I realize that things were not going well at all. My dear husband was spending less and less time with me and our children. When he would arrive home from work, I would be busily making dinner and dealing with the nightly rituals. I rarely did more than passively ask him how his day was, and not really wait to listen to the answer. I was one track minded. Over focused on what “needed” to be done, and being exhausted at the end of a long day.

I didn’t see my husband coming home, day after day feeling like all he was to me was a paycheck. All he needed was for me to wrap my arms around him and give him a great big kiss and tell him how important he was to me. He needed me. Not the me that is the mother, the housecleaner, the organizer. He needed me, his best friend, his love, his number one cheerleader.

Well, recently all of these things were brought to my attention. I was reminded in a very painful and difficult way, that my sweet husband, is a human being, with basic needs. I had begun to believe that he was someone that didn’t really have needs. He worked hard to tell me that was true, but in the end he was just fooling both of us.

As important as being a mother is to me, I have learned how much more important it is for me to be a wife. Frankly, the children will grow up and leave some day. They aren’t as invested in my family as I am, but my husband…that is a different story.

I am learning that working on my marriage is the most important work I can do. Even more important than raising good, well adjusted, well educated children. I am learning this lesson the hard way, (which isn’t unusual for me).

I have been trying for a few months now to ask my self these kinds of questions each day: Have you hugged your husband today? Have you showed him you love him? Have you thought of him before yourself in some area of your life today? Have you done something special for him today? Have you showed him how important he is to you today?

After all is said and done, isn’t having a healthy happy marriage the BEST thing you can do for your children?

4 Responses to "Husbands and Heartstrings"

  • Thank you for the reminder! It is all too easy to get lost in mothering and clutter up the friendship and companionship we have with our husbands. I think I will use your questions too.

    1 Dianna said this (May 5, 2010 at 1:36 pm)

  • I appreciate all that you do, Diana. The sweetest thing in the world to me is to hear you tell me that you love me. You tell me when you ask me how my day was. You tell me when you hug me. You tell me when you make me feel important to you.

    Thank you so much!


    2 Aaron said this (May 5, 2010 at 10:56 pm)

  • It’s so crazy how I read your words and know JUST what you mean we have actually had this reality hit the fan not to long ago ourselves. I dont understand why it is SO easy to forget that our husbands are human and have needs -but we do! I love what you said about the children leaving eventually and YES one of the best things you can give them is an example of a healthy marriage where spouses come first! (Something that I learned from you not too long ago). It makes a beautiful foundation to a happy and healthy family! In one of her talks Lucille Johnson says -treasure your husband tickle him a bit, your children will leave you deary, and when they do HE’S IT! its a cute little rhyme that I’ve been using to remind myself of where my priorities REALLY need to be.

    3 Jessica said this (May 6, 2010 at 1:29 pm)

  • Another thing I’d add to the list of questions is “Have you said thank you to your husband today?” or “Today have you thanked your husband for something you noticed he has done that you appreciated?”
    I find that too often my husband is doing nice things for me and I don’t notice or I neglect to say thank you when I do notice.

    4 Esther said this (September 7, 2011 at 7:01 pm)

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